Slice Me Nice
I have never been told that I’m important just yet. Isn’t it strange that I’ve have not been told for the past 20 years. (laughs)
I’m usually the second or third choice,
Or maybe, not even a choice to some people.
I treated everyone wholeheartedly, expressively, sincerely,
I care for each and individual living that I’ve known/met,
I listen to/work for important people…
So I played the role to the extreme as if I’m that important to them as well.
During my teenage life, I told myself that
“You know what, Eri, you have to be sincere, if not people wouldn’t know or even care about you. Be a good person and make them feel that you do care and love each and every single one of them even if they don’t return the love you’d given to them.”
Constantly, I give in, and he/she take.
It’s fine. Really. I don’t mind. At all.
Yeah, yeah, Call me altruist, stupid, stubborn, pigheaded, a girl with no character – at all.
And I used to think that,
“Hey, I’m pretty important to them eh!”
And all these thoughts of be in their shoe when they speak, feel as if I’m him/her,
It made me forget me, myself and I, literally.
I’ve become so selfless that I don’t even remember myself anymore.
I look at this crooked mirror and asked myself
“Who am I?”
Silence.
I am the one who would only think for people and FULL STOP. The End.
Seriously, I don’t see, people think, and feel for me these days.
Funny isn’t it?
Just when you’re about to give it all to people and you told yourself a million times that its okay, its alright, they will somehow feel it one day, soon. Even, if they don’t acknowledge your sincerity.
Then, all the negative thoughts rushes in and drives me crazy, mentally.
Silence.
Why do I speak to myself, unconsciously, about all this stuffs?
Oi, all the time, I have been doing this; to portray to be a good person and speak nothing awful about it.
A person is not human is it, now?
Cannot speak to oneself is it?
Cannot complain one is it?
What you care?
You just logged on to this weblog and read a post that has a lot of grammatical errors wtf
Seriously lah, who blog/type/write 100%-ly one. If you get what I mean, but anyway, this is not the case.
And
Before I type this out,
I thought that maybe, you just maybe lah,
If it seems to be too good to think for people, it probably isn’t. at all.
The ambiguity of this line is just so… urgh!
I, now don’t even know how to explain all these thoughts that are lying on my mind
for a very very long time…
After all, I’d still think that I’m not any closer to that important role in anyone’s life; in this world, in this society, in this place where I belong to be, and in this little delicate heart of mine.
Maybe, I should play the opposite, be the baddie, be less flexible, be so selfish that I don’t even want to eat fish anymore wtf, be ignorant, be less happy and jolly eri, be the strong-headed lady who have had a bad pms day wtf and the list goes on and on..
And in that case, people will remember me! People will think of eri, me, my existence and all.
Yea, I should consider about being that.
Making people happy is so tired. No?
You think so easy to make one happy is it?
No need energy to make it happen?
It’s very exhausting one okay if that person doesn’t appreciate your act.
Silence.
Maybe not.
I should just be me. And I know one day, in which case I don’t know when that will happen,
people will come and show me that they know my love, my sincerity.
And my honesty is no longer alien to people.
For now.
I, thank you, all, for listening.
Really.
Black out.
January 13th, 2009 at 10:16 am
You’re already an important person to someone here in this place.Your parents or your siblings is the 1st and the rest could be someone u’ve already known or briefly known in ur life. Sometimes it depends on the other person, but what matter’s that you play a good role in someone’s life. Yes, it sucks that sometimes they don’t acknowledge the good things you’ve done for them… but at least you’ve done something that makes you feel good about urself and you can be proud of.
I did thought that being too much of a good person doesn’t benefit me at all cuz it’s like I’ve been giving and not receiving from them. I did behave the opposite…the bad side (I was in that area b4 I was saved), till I realize it’s not worth being like that, won’t prove anything…because I also feel that’s not me. So, I just have a mind set that I don’t really bother what they think of me or whether they layan me or not… as long as I played an important role in helping out and do something good that also makes me feel good (in a good way ofcourse)
so never say that you’re not important, because you are to someone.So cheer up! =)
January 13th, 2009 at 10:50 am
thanks for your message.
by the way, how do you define important and not so important?
hahahah… does it really has a meaning behind it or nothing at all?? thats what i’ve been thinking.. it has become nothing and meaningless to words.. any words.. they are just words if we don’t take them seriously.. no?
hahaha
January 13th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
happy niu yr eri
January 13th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Haha..Yes, I agree with you. Words are not meant to be read only but must also be understood and not being translated as a different meaning. Like F*** , there’s a real meaning to it and what is used for instead of a curse word…some old fart must have made it that way(info shall be learn by oneself >D). I’m not a genius or a smart guy to begin with. I just know what is what, what’s suppose to be and what is not ( but ofcourse I don’t know all things la), because I take time to understand it thoroughly so that I won’t get a different perception.
Definition for Important is that it’s valuable for the person, something that it’s needed in their life (in terms of object, not a living being)For human, the definition is the same just that you would be someone that others will remember u always, who will call for u when they need you and someone that they treasure the most. Why? Because you have alot of good value or something unique about you that makes u someone important to them.You helped them so much they will remember your good heart and kindness.Maybe You’ve done something that have really impacted their lives or your beautiful pretty looks dazzled them till they are mesmerized (some guys are like this and may ‘sometimes’ jump to conclusion that you’re their precious girl…in their mind).Usually the best friend is known as an important person to another friend. Parents will always think of their children as something important in their life, we will understand that…well, later la.
The Not ‘so’ (why got ‘so’ wan?>D) important is something that it’s not really the top most priority, not something that’s needed at the moment (again…for objects, and not for living being). For human definition, someone they don’t think about everyday because eventually they’ll see you again (like everyday) and depending on the relationship you have with that person whether it’s strong or weak. A not so important person would probably won’t get invites or called for events or yum cha session. Or like in a group, a not so important person doesn’t get much of the attention from friends as some may feel you’re just tagging along because it’s a group, one big gang go hang kai!. The feeling is like you’ve been benched (sports for being replace and take a sit from the game) or been put to the side.
(FYI, I’m not a psychiatrist nor do I have any experience in counseling >D)
But what I really think is that all of us are of both.We’re surrounded by different kinds of people with different mindset. But what we can do is to make them realize (or try la) that you are someone important…not the opposite. Let them decide as to how they think about you.
January 13th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
woo…sorry for the long message >.<
January 13th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
by the way, i’m not really asking for the defination of Important.
Of course, i know what it mean, literally, from the dictionary.com or wherever that comes out with explaination.. but what i really meant what, the ambiguity of words.. nowdays, almost everything is very subjective, they have no specific meaning behind. well. depends on how you interpret it la, kan?
thats why its just so.. urgh!
get what i mean?? lol, maybe not, because the things that i wanted to explain are all beyond words…
haha, thanks john. i appreciate that you took your time to read and reply here. thanks again
January 13th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
happy niu year to you too, ben.
January 13th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Ahaha…ok, how I know le…u said define mar >D
Yeah, now I understand…it is frustrating. I guess the only way to find out is to show it. Yeah, it depends on how u interpret =).
Np, always willing and glad to read your blog.
January 13th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
reflection yang dahsyat…
January 13th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
wth… dahsyat meh??
January 14th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Member of not important is here
thats me, feeling the same as you. But not apply to your best fren, they’ll sad to hear that.