couldn’t agree more..

it’s already March now.

where did Jan and Feb go? - most of you guys must have said this once or twice…

This three months since last December till today – I’d put it as months of self-discovery.

I have put up with lots of obstacles that’s very much of a – me vs theotherme – kinda thing. Facing each and every incident, right in front of me, never once have I run away from them. The process was a total awful, gross, disgusting, heartbreaking, torturing, crap experience for a girl, like me – who can only take this much at one time.

Yes, you may say that I choose to do so when I can possibly escape it from time to time. I’ve tried, but I don’t think it works for me at that very moment. I can’t be living a lie forever and masking everything’s alright when I know exactly, it is not.

This leads to another part of the incident where it happened simultaneously one after another which has made me become who I am today. I fight with myself almost every second, to be or not to be, to give or not to give, to speak or not to speak, to touch or not to touch, to walk away or stay. The constant thoughts of ‘ruining’ myself and climbing up again is killing me. I’m exhausted. I tried to blame everyone around for making such incidents happen when it can be avoided. I even blame God (I rarely believe in Him), for pulling me into such a dramatic scene(s) at one bloody time.

There’s this one special night, I stopped blaming everyone and even myself for this and that. I cried and say this to myself – It’s okay, I understand. Don’t need to take all my problems away, but Please give me strength to go through each of them.

Immediately, the day after I look at the problems/mess right into my eyes – to see whether does it mean anything to me or not. For which I cannot undo death, but the opposite. I stepped out from my house and go to this place to look for that specific living ‘creature’. and I found the answer there and then. Straight away. Like instant. Flash! It’s clearly written in your deadly eyes which speaks thousand words when no one can hear you.

Until today, I hear them still. Both of them - my most important men in life. Each and every words lingers around my ears still – just like the melody in my heart.

They have taught me something -

1: even if you lose something, lose it gracefully and it is okay.

2: one can be so selfish that one cannot imagine. so be it.

3: what comes around, really goes  around.

4: zero is round. the earth is also in round shape. there’s no corner where you can hide. we will meet someday, again.

I have stopped crying, but that doesn’t mean I’m strong. Probably, my heart turns cold and couldn’t produce anymore tears. Many people often think that I’m weak, cry very easily, over-emotional, ugly, a big time follower, no perfect skin, no vocab, stubborn, no black silky hair, laugh too loud, don’t earn big bucks, clingy, selfless, no perfect eye sight, blur, not smart enough, not intellectual at all, doesn’t know how to cook, easily cheated, an option to people, .. etc etc.. but that’s what makes me a human, no?  I fell and I gather my courage all by myself, and slowly stand up again. I’m me. They brought me here, to be me. I’m perfectly me. and This living creature has contributed a bit of things to my life. He created this and left me alone to handle this. But then, that’s not the end of the whole drama. They say every ending is the new beginning. I can’t help but to agree.

Everything is flipping around and crossing over. I will step back, bit by bit. For I’d given my all. :’ ))

Side note: This whole week, I have been bombarded with tons of questions from people around US. Questions that doesn’t really bother me at first, but the after-effect is picking up quite fast. it’s like pumping real hard next to your heart and you think you could breathe but not really. I’m no body to answer the questions which you guys have been pointed out. I’m no body to comment or say anything anymore. I wouldn’t want to spell anything about it. It’s not even my story to begin with. Thanks for your concern, really.

x

p/s: objective to this blogpost is to be honest.

Maybe.. that’s the case for now.

No, not the negativity is hitting me. whenever I’m in a trouble or facing some unusual event, I always find no one to be at my back to support me. I get it, and honestly, that’s quite a feeling ey?

No matter how, you just can’t explain them in words. good and bad, at the same time. like you can be strong and brave to face this all by yourself, and that’s supposed to be a good thing. However, that’s not someone wanna deal with at the end of the day. you want somebody who can always wrap you in the arms and say – everything’s all right, you have me.

Probably I’ve been fighting for this far too long, broke down don’t-know-how-many-times, gotten the habit to take sleeping pills when the dark hits me, constantly telling myself that I’m alright and okay when i don’t actually mean it, I don’t appreciate food or something etc..etc..

I wanna put this aside & see what comes up : )) things do happen when you least expect it, aye?

Oh, I just remembered I have a secret, since feb 2009. I was and i’m still too chicken to admit or share it with anyone. I’ll let this person know, one day, perhaps.. brrrr… I always thought that I do live with no regrets, but now i don’t. I just want to tell this to this particular person, how I felt at that time. After all, we wont know whats going to happen tomorrow, right?

Courage, Eri, Courage!

x

ps: have a great weekend y’all : ))

happy birthday to all the libra(s) out there – my dear kelly lai, darling ruby ooi, ex on-stage lover adrian teh, sayang jenni chung, papa hon sang, and many many moreeee….

with love,
E

alright, i’m back with a better sense/mood. tonight i’m gonna post about ubud,
d’oh its clearly stated @ the topic of this post.

arrived Arma Resort’s about 10 ish.. and this was our room… guess who i slept with?

our living room wtf

we planned to jump into the pool once we settle down, but we didnt managed to do that in the end.. ended up, sleep talking with each other.. hahahaha! fol

this is how it looked like during the day…

we were touring right before taking our breaky..



basically, this place looked like a jungle to us………..dont think we’ll ever come back to here HAHAHAHHAAA!

… our breaky …

after that we proceed to shop, shop, shop, and shop @ ubud market.. i didnt really shop, just a look-see-look-see kind of day… hahaha

as you can see, they do have tons of crazy local stuff here…

for you single ladies out there wtf

them bargain-ing which one to get (im kidding, ruby was getting some accessories – a paparazzi shot la this)

looks like the forbidden city market!

here’s one of our shopping video, ok not really la but just watch, lol

spotted, ruby ooi on the street…. we are going to have Babi Guling @ Ibu Oka

dang dang dang babi guling plus teh botol… best combination! im drooling as im typing this XD

after a lunch, we went to SPA.. i know i know, not a very good thing to do after you eat.. bah

these are massage oil – jasmine, sandalwood, rose, lavender… guess which i had? lavender of coourse
clean clean my dirty feet (blehh)

i need a massage now, i mean now… :’( stresssssss, ta! c u in next post, nights!

p/s: do you guys know where can i get affordable + good massage @ KL/HARTAMAS area?