I have never been told that I’m important just yet. Isn’t it strange that I’ve have not been told for the past 20 years. (laughs)

I’m usually the second or third choice,
Or maybe, not even a choice to some people.

I treated everyone wholeheartedly, expressively, sincerely,

I care for each and individual living that I’ve known/met,

I listen to/work for important people…

So I played the role to the extreme as if I’m that important to them as well.

During my teenage life, I told myself that

“You know what, Eri, you have to be sincere, if not people wouldn’t know or even care about you. Be a good person and make them feel that you do care and love each and every single one of them even if they don’t return the love you’d given to them.”

Constantly, I give in, and he/she take.

It’s fine. Really. I don’t mind. At all.

Yeah, yeah, Call me altruist, stupid, stubborn, pigheaded, a girl with no character – at all.

And I used to think that,

“Hey, I’m pretty important to them eh!”

And all these thoughts of be in their shoe when they speak, feel as if I’m him/her,

It made me forget me, myself and I, literally.

I’ve become so selfless that I don’t even remember myself anymore.

I look at this crooked mirror and asked myself

“Who am I?”

Silence.

I am the one who would only think for people and FULL STOP. The End.

Seriously, I don’t see, people think, and feel for me these days.

Funny isn’t it?

Just when you’re about to give it all to people and you told yourself a million times that its okay, its alright, they will somehow feel it one day, soon. Even, if they don’t acknowledge your sincerity.

Then, all the negative thoughts rushes in and drives me crazy, mentally.

Silence.

Why do I speak to myself, unconsciously, about all this stuffs?

Oi, all the time, I have been doing this; to portray to be a good person and speak nothing awful about it.

A person is not human is it, now?

Cannot speak to oneself is it?

Cannot complain one is it?

What you care?

You just logged on to this weblog and read a post that has a lot of grammatical errors wtf

Seriously lah, who blog/type/write 100%-ly one. If you get what I mean, but anyway, this is not the case.

And

Before I type this out,

I thought that maybe, you just maybe lah,

If it seems to be too good to think for people, it probably isn’t. at all.

The ambiguity of this line is just so… urgh!

I, now don’t even know how to explain all these thoughts that are lying on my mind

for a very very long time…

After all, I’d still think that I’m not any closer to that important role in anyone’s life; in this world, in this society, in this place where I belong to be, and in this little delicate heart of mine.

Maybe, I should play the opposite, be the baddie, be less flexible, be so selfish that I don’t even want to eat fish anymore wtf, be ignorant, be less happy and jolly eri, be the strong-headed lady who have had a bad pms day wtf and the list goes on and on..

And in that case, people will remember me! People will think of eri, me, my existence and all.

Yea, I should consider about being that.

Making people happy is so tired. No?

You think so easy to make one happy is it?

No need energy to make it happen?

It’s very exhausting one okay if that person doesn’t appreciate your act.

Silence.

Maybe not.

I should just be me. And I know one day, in which case I don’t know when that will happen,

people will come and show me that they know my love, my sincerity.

And my honesty is no longer alien to people.

For now.

I, thank you, all, for listening.

Really.

Black out.